The futility of it all. 

That’s all I could think of while eulogy after eulogy poured forth. Tears, sadness, guilt, remorse …  After her retirement mum found it very difficult to adjust to not having much to do. 39 years in the same school left her in the same state as someone who finished a life sentence in prison. Someone who couldn’t adjust to a different life. She was institutionalised.

She often spoke of her loneliness. She alluded to being forgotten.  If only she was there these past few days to see the crowds gathered for her. To hear the words spoken for her. To see the tears shed.  If only we had taken time to let her know how much she was loved and respected when she was with us.  Death always leaves us with several “If only…”  and “Just give me one more chance …” 

Even in death Mum has a lesson for us. 
Don’t wait! Don’t wait to wish an aunt for Christmas or her birthday or just like that only because you are upset about the way you interpreted something her child said…. The child won’t even remember what was said. 
Don’t wait to show gratitude and respect…. You’ll probably miss out on additional blessings and advice. 
Don’t wait to record her voice singing her favourite hymns…. You may not hear her voice again. 
Don’t wait to buy her flowers…. Laying them on a grave doesn’t have the same value.