I thought last year would have been the worst. I remember taking out the crib statues for a Christmas that wasn’t going to be like any Christmas we knew. It was difficult. But I was surrounded by people who loved you. Surrounded by people who knew and understood exactly how difficult it was to even be in the same house that was once filled with your joyful spirit.

I thought I had lived through the worst. I was wrong.

This advent I tried to being a little light and cheer into this cold house. Even a brightly burning fire in the fireplace didn’t help.

Never have I felt so alone or so unloved. I miss you ma.