Traditionally we celebrate the 40th day of someone’s passing.
Today marks the 40th day since mum joined the heavenly choir. 

Not being there in person to complete this last ritual is a heartbreaking choice a child is asked to make. Not being there, going to work and pretending that everything is normal, that’s way tougher. And the story of our lives. 

Silver lining:  Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago I made mum a promise. I saw the glorious cathedral of Segovia and told her I’d take her there. For a moment I thought, one more thing we didn’t get to do, but my dismay was short lived.  It was one promise I kept. And it’s the only thing that has made me smile today. 

Ma, I had so many plans for us. So many places to take you too. So many new experiences to share with you. I still start my days thinking “awright, I’ll ask mum about it” or “mum would love that” and gravity finds my soul when I recall that you’re gone. Not away, not unavailable, not busy. Just gone. 

40 days of losing you. 
40 days closer to seeing you again. 

Miss you, Bern!